True Romance
by Clarence Worley
Summary: When Sly and Carmelita first meet at a movie theater, it is love at first sight. But will Sly be able to keep his criminal behavior under wraps? Maybe he is not the only one who holds secrets. This is a story of love, crime, loyalty, and sadness. With a revolver in one hand, and a briefcase in the other, there is nothing stopping Sly in his pursuit to the top.
1. Pie

**_Okay, so this was inspired by my favorite movie, "True Romance". I hope you enjoy. The whole story is alternate btw, and its modernized a bit._**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own the Sly Cooper franchise, or any characters or likenesses in the video game. All rights go to their respective owners._**

* * *

"Oh I'm so sorry!" said a young, pretty fox as she spilled her popcorn over a love-struck raccoon

"That's ok. I'm fine. You okay?" asked sly

"Oh Jesus, I'm the clumsiest person in the world" said the fox, trying to wipe the popcorn off sly

"That's alright. Accidents happen." said sly, trying desperately to keep his cool

"What a wonderful philosophy. Thanks for being a sweetheart, cause you could have been a real dick. Mind if I smoke?"

"No, go ahead."

"Hey, do you mind filling me in on what I missed?"

"No, no, um- that guy up there, that's Sonny Chiba. He's not necessarily a good guy, he's just a bad motherfucker. He gets hired to fuck people up you know? It's my birthday, so I came to see a couple movies."

* * *

"You came to see three Kung-Fu movies? asked Sly, exiting the theater

"Sure, why not?" asked the fox again

"Nothin', nothing. Its just your a girl after my own heart is all." replied Sly

"Hey, raccoon boy, do you know what time it is?"

"Uh, yeah it's about twelve."

"I suppose you have to get up early ring-tail?"

"No, not particularly, why?" asked sly

"Well, its just a tradition I have. After I see a movie, I like to get some pie. Do you wanna get some pie with me?" asked the fox again

"Sure, I would love some pie."

* * *

"In that movie, he didn't give a fuck about nothin' exept rock'n roll, livin' fast, dying young, and leavin' a good looking corpse. Now enough about him, how about you?" asked sly

"How about me, what?"

"Tell me- tell me about yourself."

"What do you wanna know?"

"Well, for starters, uh, what do you do, whats your favorite color, who's your favorite movie star, what kind of music do you like, what are your turn-ons, your turnoffs? I guess the main question here is do you have a fella?"

"Okay raccoon boy, ask me again, one by one."

"What do you do?"

"I don't remember."

"Where are you from?"

"I don't know."

"What's your favorite color?"

"I don't know, blue?"

"Who's your favorite movie-star?"

"Burt Reynolds."

"What kind of music do you like?"

"Phil Spector. Girl group stuff, like he's a rebel."

"Turn-ons?" asked Sly, pouring a huge amount of sugar into his coffee

"A guy who can appreciate the little things in life, like sugar."

"Turnoffs?"

"I don't know, guys who ask too many questions."

"Hey, what's your name?"

"Carmelita."

"I'm Sylvester by the way, but you can call me Sly. Now Carmelita, in a theater full of empty seats, why did you sit by me?"

"Cause you looked like a nice guy. So I had to dump my popcorn all over you. I'll get the check, where to next?"

* * *

"Wow, what a swell place to work." said Carmelita, staring around the comic book shop

"Well, this is just a part time job to get some extra cash. The boss doesn't pay much, but he's a nice guy. He lets me borrow money from him sometimes. This job is pretty fun though, cause I just mostly hang around and bullshit with customers. replied Sly, turning on the lights

"That's cool. What is your regular job Sly?"

"I'm afraid I can't tell you that dear."

"Why not?"

"Some things are just better left secret, that's all. Hey, want to see a comic?"

"Sure Sly."

Sly picked through the comics, and pulled out one. He flipped through it, incoherently mumling.

"Alright, this is my favorite part. When he's on a ship, some zombie bastard took the necklace that his girlfriend gave him, and threw it overboard. So he jumped off the ship, and swam all the way down to the bottom to find that necklace. Ain't that romantic Carmelita?"

"Sure is Sly."

Carmelita leaned over and planted a kiss on Sly's lips. He returned it almost immediately. Sly leaned back and said, "Shall we go to my apartment?"

"We shall." replied Carmelita

Well, I don't want to turn this into a lemon, so lets just say they do what couples do in the privacy of their bedrooms.

* * *

**_Aww ain't that cute? Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! Please review, and I will be sure to upload more chapters!_**


	2. Garcon

_**This is my next chapter, and I think you guys are gonna like it. I don't have much to say so I'll just begin writing**_

* * *

Sly awoke, breathing heavily. He looked around his room, and saw that Carmelita was no where to be found, but his balcony door was open. He proceeded to walk towards the door, and found Carmelita outside crying.

"Why are you crying Carmelita?"

"I don't know how to say this, but I'm a call girl Sly." said Carmelita, still crying

"Wait, you're a whore Carm?"

"No, I'm a call girl Sylvester! Theres a huge difference!"

"I'm sorry Carmelita. Hey, this was one of the best nights of my life, nontheless."

"Physically, or mentally Sly?"

"I guess both. You know, when you took off your pants I was happy you didn't have a dick."said Sly

"Stop being so fucking calm about this! I've been a call girl for exactly four days, and you're my third customer!"

"Jesus, sorry Carm. Carmelita, how did you know where to find me?"

"You're boss wanted you to have a good time since it was your birthday and you don't get out much. Sly, I may sound crazy, but I think I love you."

"Hey, if I say love you back and you break my heart, I'm gonna fucking die." said Sly, brushing back his hair

"Sly, I will never leave you. And when it comes to relationships, I'm a hundred percent- I'm a hundred percent monogamous."

* * *

Sly and Carmelita, newly weds, strange it may seem since the had only been dating for five months, were getting matching tattoos.

"Wait Carm, you had a pimp? asked Sly, looking at his tattoo in the mirror."

"Yeah, his name was Dimitri." said Carmelita, wincing at the pain of getting her tattoo

"Hey, did he ever hit you or hurt you in any way? Cause I swear to god, I will go over there and kill the fucker right now if he did." said Sly

The Tattoo artist looked up at Sly in shock

"It's ok, we're just rehearsing for a play." Sly lied, and the artist went back to his work

"You don't even know where he lives Sly. And I'm sorry to say this, but he did hit me a couple times."

Carmelita finished getting her tattoo done, paid the attendant, and the couple walked out into Sly's car. Sly turned on the ignition, and started driving.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me this before?!" yelled Sly, smacking the wheel of his car

"I thought you would get mad..." Carmelita said softly

"Now I'm fucking mad. I swear to God I'm gonna go over to his shitheap and break his fucking legs!"

They arrived at the appartment, and Sly began to say,

"Where does he live Carm?"

"I can't tell you Sly!"

"Where the fuck does he live?!"

"52 Lexington Drive. Please don't kill him!"

"I won't." And with that, Sly drove away

Sly arrived at Dimitri's house. He checked his revolver, put it in his pocket, and knocked on the door. A very big dog answered the door.

"Your Dimitri?" Sly asked

"No, I'm Muggshot. Now get your ass outta here raccoon."

"Wait, its about Carmelita." Sly said

Muggshot let him inside. As Sly walked with Muggshot, he looked around, and all he could see were strippers and prostitutes. At least four prostitutes offered Sly a good time. As tempting as it was to him, he was a married raccoon, and remained loyal to his wife. Sly arrived at Dimitri. He was an Iguana, smoking a cigar.

"Where the fuck is that bitch?" asked Dimitri

"She's not a bitch frenchy, and she's my wife." replied Sly, surpressing his rage

"Well then, if the bitch is you're wife, then we're practically related. Hey raccoon, why don't you grab yourself something to eat? We got everything here from a diddle eyed joe to damned if I know." said Dimitri

"No thanks." said Sly

"What that mean, no thanks? You see, if you sat down, took an eggroll and started to chow down, I would say, this motha fucka ain't god a care in the water, and who knows, maybe he don't; maybe he's such a bad motha fucka, that he could sit down and watch my mother fucking T.V. Now what you have to say bout' that garcon?" said Dimitri, seeming very satisfied

"I'm not eating cause I'm not hungry. I'm not sitting cause I'm not staying, and I'm not watching your shit television cause I'm not interested. And I'm not scared of you, I just don't like you. Learn better english please frenchy, and you know what, I speak french, and garcon means boy. I am no boy asshole." said Sly, wiping sweat off his forhead

Sly pulled out an envelope and set it on the table.

"In there is Carmelita's pay off money, so you can forget about her. I owe you whats in there, and not one penny more." said Sly

Dimitri opened the envelope, but there was nothing inside.

"You think you're slick raccoon, but you're just a fucking boy."

Muggshot then held Sly's arms behind his back, and Dimitri began punching him in the face with his brass knuckles. It must have been the adrenaline, but Sly broke out of Muggshot's hold and punched him in the face. Not soon after did Dimitri break a bottle over Sly's head, making him fall to the ground. Dimitri sat on Sly, and took his wallet. He looked at his drivers license, and read his address.

"Hmm, now I know where to find Carmelita. Hey Muggshot! Get over to, 18 Bronson Street, and bring back that bitch, I'll keep our little boy here company. You know Sly, you could be my perfect bitch."

Sly then pulled out his gun, and shot Muggshot and killed him. He then shot Dimitri in the groin, making him fall back. Sly leaned over him and said,

"Not so fucking funny now, is it Dimitri! Look at me now!"

Dimitri looked at Sly, and Sly shot him once in the chest, and once in the face. He grabbed a briefcase that he found, thinking it contained money and ran out of there.

* * *

"I killed him Carmelita."

Carmelita began crying, and buried her face in the couch.

"What is it Carm, do you fucking love him?! I said, do you fucking love him?!"

"No-"

"What is it Carmelita?!"

"I thought what you did-"

"What?!"

"I thought what you did- was so romantic" said Carmelita

* * *

_**Sly is a real maniac, isn't he? Anyways, did Dimitri deserve or did he not? I think he did. Anyways, a call girl is basically a prostitute, but she gets called for her services. I hoped you enjoyed! Plus, I made Dimitri like a gangster kind of guy, thats why he speaks like that. Anyways, till next time peeps!**_


	3. The Pantomime

_**Hello guys! Chapter 3 is here! Sorry for the wait, I had to travel back to the U.S. from my vacation. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! **_

* * *

"Hey Murray, can we stay by your place for a couple nights? I got into some serious shit." Sly said over the phone

"Hey, anything for you Sly. And what do you mean by 'we'."

"I'm a married Raccoon buddy!"

"Congrats Sly! Hey, come down as soon as possible. I wanna meet that lovely wife of yours."

Sly hung up the phone, and turned towards Carmelita.

"We're staying at my friend Murray's for a while until our 'situation' clears up."

"Alright Sly. What's in the suitcase?"

"I don't know." said Sly, opening the suitcase. Inside of it was a whole lot of drugs, probably cocaine

"Holy fucking shit Carm. Take a look at this!"

"Sly, we have to get rid of that right now!"

"No Carmelita, do you know how much this could sell for on the streets! Near five-hundred thousand dollars! Carm, since you were a call girl, do you know any drug dealers at all?" asked Sly

"Yeah, there is this one guy. He really wasn't a street dealer, like a high class millionare one. I think his name was Rajan."

"Rajan, that name seems very familiar." said Sly, trying to think through his past

* * *

"Hey Sly!" said Murray, letting Sly and his new wife inside

"Hey big guy!" said Sly, hugging Murray

"Man I haven't seen you in three years! What happened?" asked Murray

"Yeah, well, I had some problems to work out after, uh, the 'jobs' we did." said Sly, trying to shield his criminal past from Carmelita

"Whats the matter Carm, cat got your tongue?" asked Sly, wondering why she was so quiet

"Sorry Sly. And my name is Carmelita, nice to meet you Murray." said Carmelita, shaking Murrays huge hand

"Hey, lovebirds, take a seat. I know my house isn't much, but it'll do. And nice to meet you to." said Murray

"Murray, where is Bentley?" asked Sly, sitting down

"Yeah, Sylvester, I'll tell you about that later."

Sly knew something was wrong, because Murray never called Sly by his full name.

"Hey Carm, can you go out and get us a couple beers? Get something imported. Well, different places have different things, but you'll just have to look." said Sly, handing Carmelita some money

"Sure Sly." said Carmelita, walking out of Murray's house

After he knew she was gone, Sly began to talk.

"Alright Murray, what the fuck happened to Bentley."

"Sly, calm down, and let me tell you. You know Dimiti? He was some sort of Gangster, thats the name he goes by."

"Yes I know Dimitri. I killed the french fuck two days ago."

"And why the fuck did you do that Sly?!"

"Because, he hurt Carmelita." said Sly, trying to avoid telling Murray that his wife was a call girl

"People do crazy thing when they're in love. Anyway, I need you to stay calm when I say this. You promise to stay calm Sly?"

"Yes, I'll be calm Murray."

"Ok here it goes. Bentley was walking out in Dimitri's territory. Dimitri thought that Bentley was a turtle that owed him money, and stabbed him to death in the open."

"That fucker!" said Sly, flipping over the table they were sitting at

"Sly, I thought you would be calm!"

"How could you take this so easily Murray? Why didn't you tell me?! God damnit!"

"I have moved on! I'm trying to straighten myself out to you know! I can't sleep at night thinking about the men we killed Cooper!"

"I don't give two shits about your personal life. What I do care about is why you werent looking our for Bentley!"

"Hey Sly, he could take care of himself! We're not kids anymore!"

"You know what, fuck it. I killed Dimitri, and thats all that matters."

"Sly, I'm worried about you. Since when were you so quick to kill?"

"Just forget it Murray. I don't want to talk about this anymore. And since I killed Dimitri, I think some guys might be after Carm and I. Plus the cops might be on our tail."

"God Damn Sly! You always get yourself into trouble. I can't have you here Sly, I'm sorry."

Sly didn't notice that Carmelita had just walked in with a six pack

"You know what, fuck you Murray."

With that, Sly walked out of the house. But before he walked out, he dropped an address on the floor. After they left, Murray pinned the address on his refrigerator.

* * *

Murray returned to his house, then walked in, only to be welcomed by a gun to his temple, and a bat busted over his head. Murray awoke, tied up to a chair, with around five guys surrounding him, in his own home. One of them was sitting in front of murray, with a pistol in his hand

"I suppose you are wondering who I am fat ass. My name is El Jefe. I am an associate of Dimitri Lousteau, the Iguana, your friend Sylvester James Cooper, stole from. You see, he stole six hundred, twelve thousand dollars worth of narcotics from him. If you want to be specific, cocaine. They waltzed in there, guns blazing, and didn't stop until they were sure everyone was dead. And your friend Sylvester, the fuck head that he is, left his drivers license, in Dimitri's cold hand. So now, tell me where they went, before I do some damage, you won't walk away from."

"I'm sorry, but I havent seen Sylvester in over three years." said Murray, panicking a little

El Jefe stood up, and held up a fist

"You see this hippo?" asked El Jefe, punching Murray in the face

"Yeah, that fucks you all up. When you get punched in the nose, you got pain shooting up to your brain, and your eyes start to water." said El Jefe

"Alright! Sly came this morning. He came with his wife. We had breakfast, talked a little, and thats the last I saw of him. So help me God." said Murray, still panicking

El Jefe then shot Murray in the gut. Murray let out a loud cry, and began to moan over the terrible pain he was experiencing

"Dont worry hippo. You won't die from that shot. It will just hurt like hell for a while. And, you were lying. You see, a male has seventeen pantomimes, which can tell if someone is lying. A female has twenty, but a male has seventeen. If these pantomimes are mastered, they can beat lie detectors to hell. Now tell me where they are." said El Jefe, extremely confident

"Fuck you Jefe." said Murray, knowing those would be his last words

El Jefe shot Murray once in the head, and another three times in his torso.

"Hey boss, I think you are gonna be a real happy tiger." said one of the thugs, looking at the address on the fridge

* * *

**_Hey guys. Sorry if you guys didn't like this chapter, I was in a rush to write it. And I am so evil arent I. For all you Murray fans out there, I'm sowwie. Anyway, please remember to review!_**


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